Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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