It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
