Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
