why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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