his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
