i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
