need another drink. this is the easiest way
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I wear drunk well.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
