I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
