If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
