Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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