I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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