so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
