Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
