Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
