i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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