when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
