when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
