I feel like abortions should bother me more
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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