i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
