Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
