Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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