the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
