How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
