Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
