do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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