Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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