u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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