I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
