he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
