Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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