Your tits are I can't wait for
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
