OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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