i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
