I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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