I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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