vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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