so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
