Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
