she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
