Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
