She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
