You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Oh god it's open bar.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
