I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
