I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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