I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
