Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
