it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
