One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's blow job season.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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