I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
