Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
