Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
