apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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