Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
