Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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